As a creative person, who loves exploring everything, I am just fully accepting that I have actually had a rather long run being other than who I really am.
I have created many things, and have had so many unimaginably awesome experiences in my life, one would think I would be satisfied.
I am!
But I know how short I have sold myself.
Granted, I have chosen every situation in my life, and I’m not mad about any of it.
Choosing our lives is what we do!
I do know that I left the fullness of who I am behind, in the process of living of my life.
Now I understand why there are so many unfinished projects sitting around in my life.
I love all I have created, and those in my life, but I literally left me behind in these creations.
Sure I have given myself, and seemingly all that I am, while doing so.
But not really!
Not really because, the whole of who I am has mostly been tucked away never to be seen by any one.
Not even myself.
For too long.
I know that looking in from the outside, I have accomplished things others only dream about.
There are others who can’t even dream about many of my life experiences!
Like I said, I’m not mad about any of it.
But, I know most of my living has just been half-assed living.
This is why I have such a strong distaste for any one who does half-assed work for, and around, me.
It literally triggers me and makes me mad!
That, and the fact that I always trust people to do the thing we have agreed upon.
I pay in advance and feel like I do not have to be there while the thing is being done.
I cannot tell you how many times I have done this and came home to half-assness.
Will I learn?
Will I stop trusting?
Will I not pay in full before any thing is done?
Yes.
I have no choice but to now put conditions on my trust.
Unfortunately, because I do have so much trust that others will live in integrity.
But, this is not about other people.
This is all about me, and my own integrity to myself, and more importantly, how not in integrity to myself I have been.
Since what is going on inside is always, mirrored and reflected back to us in what we see as our outside world, there is no question that the half-ass results I have received is exactly what I had coming to me.
Since I have been being half-assed to myself, how could I not expect these same results to show up in my life!
How long will I choose to be less than to myself?
Choose, because it is always a choice!
It is a choice even, and especially, when I am not conscious that I am making a choice.
It doesn’t matter that I am making half-ass choices because I am not thinking things all the way through, or even that I am unaware that I am not consciously making my choices.
What I have come to realize is that, in all of these cases, I removed my full, and real self, from the equation.
Where was I when I was making these choices?
My life has been good.
Very good!
I am not complaining.
I am just very aware that because I left the deepest, most real self out of most of my life choices and decisions, I can tell you that all of the reasons for the less than stellar results (most accurately all of the excuses why), don’t mean jack shit!
I am responsible for every bit of my life past, present and future!
Me.
Just, and only, me.
How could I not be?
Thank The Lord!
My real life has been waiting for me to catch up.
No regrets.
Always thankfulness!
I see, and feel, visions of the badassery that is unleashing, and coming through me as I now, only, allow myself to be the fullness of all that I AM in my life!
This is my prayer for you too!
Heart. Based. Sharing.
Peace. Love. Blessings.
JOIN MY FACEBOOK GROUP: https://www.facebook.com/groups/783186216094652
FOLLOW ME ON FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/yaminah.yisrael/